


The Capers

by Up_sideand_down



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Alcohol, Gift Giving, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:13:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21825724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Up_sideand_down/pseuds/Up_sideand_down
Summary: Reno and Zack are stuck with the most boring shift in all of ShinRa and decide to make the most of it.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 51
Collections: FF7 Secret Santa 2019





	The Capers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlnaTheRhyperographer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlnaTheRhyperographer/gifts).



> I've never written Reno before, but I hope you like it!

Reno sighed an looked up at the ceiling. This was the last time he ever did anything nice for anyone ever. Regardless of who they were. 

“I’m bored,” he drawled out, but there was no one to hear. Not even Rude. He was completely alone, the only Turk on duty…and it was hell. 

He wondered how the hell Tseng had done this for the past three years. People were stupidly superstitious about Solstice. Something about the alinement of the planet that let some spirits escape the lifestream and how good will spread more good will or some sappy bullshit like that. He didn’t believe in it, but usually it got him the one guaranteed day off a year…except for this year. 

No…Tseng was injured, and he had offered to do the shift…but got denied because “concussion yo” so they offered double time and a half pay and…now Reno was over the money…because this sucked. They only had one person on shift, “just in case” Tseng himself said nothing ever happened on Solstice. The day before sure, the day after, definitely, but the day of…nada. 

He sighed more dramatically, looking up at the ceiling of the Investigative Division that was completely empty and devoid of anything interesting. Then his head turned, something moving caught his eye. Just a flash in one of the cameras. SOLDIER floors…just outside of Sephiroth and Lazard’s offices. But it wasn’t either of them. 

Reno was on his feet and hitting the stairs at that, he didn’t even realize he left his jacket on Tseng’s desk.

* * *

Zack Fair didn’t want to sit in Sephiroth’s chair. He’d been the one to insist on Sephiroth getting something that wasn’t from the building and Sephiroth took the challenge seriously. He’d gone through a lot of chairs to find this one, this perfect one. Zack was not going to be the one to sit in it and break it. 

Not while he was trying to do something nice for him. 

Instead Zack pushed it aside and started tidying the desk. He’d seen most of these papers before and the one’s he didn’t were labeled to go to him anyway. Sephiroth didn’t have much to hide from him anymore. Probably why it was so easy for him to get Sephiroth to give up the Solstice shift. That or the sleep deprivation. 

He jumped when the door opened. 

“Aww dammit,” he heard a familiar voice drawl, “It’s just you.” Reno of the Turks looked very put out to see him in Sephiroth’s office. 

“I was really hoping it was some grunt or fan that I could scare the shit out of,” Reno said, “anything at all.”

“I heard this shift was quiet,” Zack said, “It’s my first time doing it. I usually have some party or other to go to.”

“Shit, same,” Reno said, “I wouldn’t have taken it at all except Tseng’s out.”

“Sephiroth says he likes it,” Zack said, “Claims he can go wherever he wants completely undisturbed and raids every floor to see what the hot chocolate selections are like.” 

“Where is that asshole?” Reno asked. 

“I made him step down,” Zack said. Reno paused. 

“You can do that?” Reno asked. 

“There’s an official way, but that can take a few weeks,” Zack said, “If I get listened to. I just told him to go home. He hasn’t slept in 5 days. He was tired and worn down enough to just leave.”

“5 days?” Reno said. Tseng made sure the longest continuous shift they had was 2 days. “Who the hell let that happen.” Zack gave Reno a look. 

“What?” Reno asked. Zack motioned his head up at the ceiling. 

“Son of a bitch,” Reno said. Zack nodded. 

“You know it’s his fault we’re all here,” Reno pointed out, “He’s the one who insists someone has to work.”

“Yeah,” Zack said, then paused. 

“You know…Solstice used to be about getting what you needed.”

“Please do not start giving me some preachy Solistice religious crap,” Reno said, “This holiday was just my excuse to drink.”

“No no,” Zack said, waving off his concerns, “I mean…I have an idea…of something less boring than waiting for nothing to do.”

“I’m all ears then,” Reno said. 

“Get people what they need,” Zack said, “do nice things for those of us trapped working…get something not so nice for…the man upstairs.”

“We’d probably get fired for that,” Reno said, “so I’m in.”

* * *

Reeve Tuesti was working on a project that was supposedly due in the morning. He checked his watch. It was 1:02. He was behind. He rubbed his face, not wanting to see blueprints anymore…then he heard…squeaking. He looked around for the source. He was not in the mood. 

Then he looked up. 

A…gift basket…was being lowered from an air vent. It was set gently and perfectly on his desk. The wire was sucked back up in a flash. He looked up at the closed vent, utterly confused. Then looked to the basket. Nestled almost perfectly inside was a thermos. He unscrewed it and sniffed. Coffee. Strong Coffee. 

“Oh thank you gods,” Reeve said.

* * *

“Always wanted to use that,” Reno said, climbing back out with the magnetized hook rig from the Turk floor. 

“Worked like a charm,” Zack said.

* * *

Hojo checked another box. Then paused when he heard voices. 

“Who’s there?” he called, “This floor is closed.” The voices hushed. He waited a little longer. Then back to his paperwork. 

Then cold white liquid splattered right on top of his head. He looked around. Then jumped when something crumbly dropped all over him. He had to wipe his glasses off before he realized he was covered in milk and crushed cookies. 

“Not funny…” he said.

* * *

“Does he count as not so nice?” Reno asked.

“I say yes,” Zack said, “one of the possibilities Seph listed for tonight was a lab specimen escape.”

“Done,” Reno said dumping the bucket of milk down. Reno thought the cookie idea was a touch of genius.

* * *

Tseng laid down. Watching screens was uncomfortable, reading impossible, but laying and waiting was fine. It was what he had planned to do tonight anyway…but he wasn’t cleared to do that at work for one night. 

He hoped Reno wasn’t too miserable. He was a good second in command. He didn’t bitch about the job in front of him at least. 

Then came the knock at his door. He grunted as he got up. 

The hallway was empty. He looked down. 

There was a neck pillow, and an mp3 player with headphones. He bent down to pick them up. The mp3 lit up to show a selection of audiobooks. He smiled

Reno was a very good second in command.

* * *

Zack had never been in this room alone. There were always bigwigs, turks, the president himself up here. It wasn’t as grand empty.

Reno knew his way around though. 

“This will be a slow agonizing kind of thing,” Reno said, “but we should get a triple hit: Prez, Heidegger, and Scarlet.” He opened a cabinet. There were quite a few bottles of expensive looking alcohol. 

“We should sample first,” Reno said, pulling out some glasses. Reno went for the whiskey while Zack looked at the brandy. They clinked glasses and sipped. 

“Bad taste in whiskey,” Reno said, “how’s the brandy.”

“It’s a shame to ruin it,” Zack said, as they swapped glasses. 

“Let’s have a little extra then,” Reno said. 

They ended up having to substitute a lot more than planned with water. They were a bit more giggly when they pulled out the salt. They didn’t feel as bad ruining the liquor after that. 

“Can you send me the camera videos when they drink it?” Zack asked. 

“Sure.”

* * *

Their last gift came just before the sun started to rise. Reno set the mug on the floor, being generous with the whipped cream. Then he knocked. 

Sephiroth looked fairly upset at being disturbed, then he looked down. He was still for a long time. He picked up the mug gingerly…then took a sip. Then he smiled. Reno and Zack bumped fists down the hall. 

“Same time next year?” Zack asked. 

* * *

Tseng blinked when he looked at the shift sign ups. Reno had signed up for the Solstice shift next year…apparently he had found something to amuse himself. 

* * *

“Same time next year,” Reno agreed


End file.
